Last night, I did pretty good as far as my sabatical/fast I thought... left work about 8 oclock and worked out at the gym in my apartment. It felt good. As the night went on, I got on twitter a little to catch what I missed all day, then closed my computer. I took a shower and got in the bed...it was just me, myself, and I...until I got a text message around midnight saying "Hi Ms. Williams." I knew that I had pledged to myself that I would not entertain a male, not even through text. But something inside of me would not allow the text to go unanswered. I simply said "Hello." The fellow and I went back and forth until he asked me "Do you prefer me not to contact you anymore?" I guess he sensed the distance that I had intentionally put between him and I, due to the fact that I knew of my committments and I wanted to stick to them.
As I thought about his question, I really reflected on it and thought about my "preference." No, my preference was not that he not contact me...it may be what was good for me, but not necessarily what I prefered. What I prefered was for him to contact me more, much more. So much that he would come to see me and one day we would be together (fairytale syndrome?)----thats what i prefered but instead I usually get a random text every 3 or so weeks to ask me how I was doing.
What made me desire all of this? It wasn't just for the attention but the history of our relationship ran sort of deep. He had been there my entire last year in school and although we werent together, he stuck by me even when I messed up. I remember in the beginning of my senior year, he told me that he wasn't looking for a girlfriend (what's new?) because he was very busy. Now, I had been talking to him since the very beginning of the summer prior to my senior year. And he dropped that bomb so my attention just left the situation. I don't take rejection very well so I found someone new and told him that I no longer saw fit for us to continue to talk because I had found my man. Ha! Little did I know my man had cheated on me, badly very very badly. Months later when I found that out, I called to tell him what happened. He didnt talk bad about me nor did he say that I had gotten what I deserved but rather he comforted me in a time that I was a big mess. He continued to talk to me even after I had left him and came back.
Alot of guys won't take you back; we females do it with a drop of a dime though. So of course theres a special place in my heart for him. These are the times that my sabatical is hard. What about those guys that aren't necessarily dogs but are genuinely good people that understand the importance of keeping it real and forging a good relationship before they committ? Well hopefully those people, though are few, will be there when my sebatical is over.
I ended the conversation and went to sleep.
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