When I think of all the phone calls and text messages that have been received and sent from my phone to and from the opposite sex, its actually shocking. I have always had someone. Someone has always been there to tell me goodnight, or sadly I have WAITED on someone to tell me goodnight. There always has been someone to think about, to hang out with, or to talk to. Never have I not had someone to contact.
Now, just because there has been someone available to contact doesn't mean that they have been the right person to communicate with. I have often settled for the person who is just good "enough," the one who would "do." I can't remember the last time (if ever) that I didn't settle and was completely happy with the way I was treated and who the person was.
I've always had to bring him up with me. If he didn't go to church, I brought him to church. He may not have had his goals in order, I'd make sure he was on the right path. He may not have known how to love...taught him how to love. This shouldn't be the case; I want to grow too. The purpose of a relationship is to be better together than you are alone, but not to depend on the person to make you happy. Never has this been the case for me.
I can't help but wonder though, why I need this attention. Why do I need someone to text or tell me goodnight. I don't have any serious hangups or baggage from my childhood that would make me need or yearn for affection. There's always that statistic that says that if a woman didnt have a father growing up, that she will more likely act out or want the attention that she hadn't gotten from her father. I feel like this girl sometimes but I have a father...a loving and caring one that's almost too perfect. Soooo, why do i still need this attention? One of my best friends suggested that maybe it's just the opposite, that I'm used to this attention...Ive had the male attention from my father my entire life so I cant live without it...makes sense. But I want to dig deeper to get to the core root of this issue.
Like every other girl, I like compliments and I like to be told that I'm wanted, especially in a way that suggests a long term relationship. What insecurity though, do we have as women that puts us in this position? Most females desire to be "wifed up." Why can men simply say "I enjoy being single and I'm not ready for a relationship" yet even though we may feel the same way, something tugs on us that says "I'm up for a relationship, its #cuffingseason!." Is it the numbers? Is it the fact that there's so many more of us to them that the ratio causes us desperation and them merely options? I still dont think it's just that simple. There has to be more to our mindset.
I think my case may be that I have the fairytale syndrome. Every since I was a little girl, I've loved to play with dolls. I've loved (and still do) to watch disney movies. Ah Princess and the Frog was bomb! We were raised to think that this is the way it should be right? At the perfect time, a prince will come around a rescue you. While we were dreaming, the little boys were playing G-I Joe, not thinking once about a happily ever after. They probably didnt get introduced to the concept until years and years after we had built our barbie house and named our future children. Sadly when, I was bored in school, I would come up with my babies names, Blair and Brice...."I wonder what their last name will be?" I would ask myself...smh
Now that I think about it, I do that everytime I meet someone new. He just might be the "one." He may have one and half things right about him and I'm already dreaming of a future that 9 times out of 10 won't come to fruition. The fairytale syndrome has to cease. Instead of being opportunistic, we must be cautious, always questoning the motives behind what he does. We should take everything for face value. If he wants to take you out, that doesnt mean that there is a deeper meaning that he wants to be with you but he's not telling us. No.
One thing that I've found out is that men are actually simple creatures. Their actions show exactly the way the feel. They do what they WANT to do. If they don't show up, they're not interested enough. Lets stop making excuses. I know I've made up excuses in the past like, "Oh he didnt call because of xyz or maybe it was because of abc, he really does like me." N. to the O. If he wanted to call, he'd find a way and if he couldn't call, he'd tell you he woudn't be able to.
The same manners we were taught, he was too. When your going to be late, you know that it is appropriate to tell the party who's waiting that your going to be late. If you say your going to call back, you do, right? Its only the right thing to do. Lets stop making excuses for ill-mannered behavior and be real with ourselves. If he doesn't ACT like he should, #ontothanext and thats real. However, if you're tired of moving on and on and on like me, taking time for yourself isn't a bad option either.
Now, just because there has been someone available to contact doesn't mean that they have been the right person to communicate with. I have often settled for the person who is just good "enough," the one who would "do." I can't remember the last time (if ever) that I didn't settle and was completely happy with the way I was treated and who the person was.
I've always had to bring him up with me. If he didn't go to church, I brought him to church. He may not have had his goals in order, I'd make sure he was on the right path. He may not have known how to love...taught him how to love. This shouldn't be the case; I want to grow too. The purpose of a relationship is to be better together than you are alone, but not to depend on the person to make you happy. Never has this been the case for me.
I can't help but wonder though, why I need this attention. Why do I need someone to text or tell me goodnight. I don't have any serious hangups or baggage from my childhood that would make me need or yearn for affection. There's always that statistic that says that if a woman didnt have a father growing up, that she will more likely act out or want the attention that she hadn't gotten from her father. I feel like this girl sometimes but I have a father...a loving and caring one that's almost too perfect. Soooo, why do i still need this attention? One of my best friends suggested that maybe it's just the opposite, that I'm used to this attention...Ive had the male attention from my father my entire life so I cant live without it...makes sense. But I want to dig deeper to get to the core root of this issue.
Like every other girl, I like compliments and I like to be told that I'm wanted, especially in a way that suggests a long term relationship. What insecurity though, do we have as women that puts us in this position? Most females desire to be "wifed up." Why can men simply say "I enjoy being single and I'm not ready for a relationship" yet even though we may feel the same way, something tugs on us that says "I'm up for a relationship, its #cuffingseason!." Is it the numbers? Is it the fact that there's so many more of us to them that the ratio causes us desperation and them merely options? I still dont think it's just that simple. There has to be more to our mindset.
I think my case may be that I have the fairytale syndrome. Every since I was a little girl, I've loved to play with dolls. I've loved (and still do) to watch disney movies. Ah Princess and the Frog was bomb! We were raised to think that this is the way it should be right? At the perfect time, a prince will come around a rescue you. While we were dreaming, the little boys were playing G-I Joe, not thinking once about a happily ever after. They probably didnt get introduced to the concept until years and years after we had built our barbie house and named our future children. Sadly when, I was bored in school, I would come up with my babies names, Blair and Brice...."I wonder what their last name will be?" I would ask myself...smh
Now that I think about it, I do that everytime I meet someone new. He just might be the "one." He may have one and half things right about him and I'm already dreaming of a future that 9 times out of 10 won't come to fruition. The fairytale syndrome has to cease. Instead of being opportunistic, we must be cautious, always questoning the motives behind what he does. We should take everything for face value. If he wants to take you out, that doesnt mean that there is a deeper meaning that he wants to be with you but he's not telling us. No.
One thing that I've found out is that men are actually simple creatures. Their actions show exactly the way the feel. They do what they WANT to do. If they don't show up, they're not interested enough. Lets stop making excuses. I know I've made up excuses in the past like, "Oh he didnt call because of xyz or maybe it was because of abc, he really does like me." N. to the O. If he wanted to call, he'd find a way and if he couldn't call, he'd tell you he woudn't be able to.
The same manners we were taught, he was too. When your going to be late, you know that it is appropriate to tell the party who's waiting that your going to be late. If you say your going to call back, you do, right? Its only the right thing to do. Lets stop making excuses for ill-mannered behavior and be real with ourselves. If he doesn't ACT like he should, #ontothanext and thats real. However, if you're tired of moving on and on and on like me, taking time for yourself isn't a bad option either.
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